Thank You Note to My First Love

For . . .
Teaching me to never forget my keys, phone, wallet
Validating everything I felt, with a nod and a hug.
Accepting my hidden self,
Holding open doors, cooking dinner, 
Paying, carrying, and asking,
Stopping my over zealous striving and starting my resting soul 
Holding my hand on long drives,
and tethering me to you
Writing the permission slip to be broken
Moving me from an ever changing thermostat to a blanket
“You can’t make everyone comfortable, but you can keep one warm”
Being my reference point, and story
Teaching me that some days of no accomplishment are okay
You are and will be the beacon taking me on my way to my forever love.

Crushing: The Agony In Unknown

I am a crazy person
Checking every 5 minutes
Did he read my message?
Has he seen it!?
Why was he online twice without reading it?
Maybe he is talking to someone else
Maybe he isn’t interested in me
Maybe he is ignoring me
Maybe he thinks I am annoy
Oh he saw it
And I am waiting for a response
And waiting
And waiting . . .
Why isn’t he respond?
Is “How are you?” A difficult question to respond to?
How much do you have to think about that?
Maybe he is trying to blow me off
Maybe he wants to let me down easy
Maybe he forgot he looked at that message
Maybe he is playing video games
I should drop this
I should let it go
I can’t help it
I want to know
And it’s exciting but nerve racking
Who invented pre-romance, flirting, crushing?
It’s frustrating
I wish I could take it back

Adult Crush

My hearts back in 2004
Bring up thoughts and feelings I thought were left behind in middle school.
I know everybody wants you
and I’m caught up in the thrill
this hurricane of feelings
when your eyes light up my smile
And I want more than that high five.
When did you give me these butterflies?
They don’t seem to want to go away
And I wonder if you have them too
Thinking of my hand in yours
If Valentine’s Day weren’t so close maybe it wouldn’t feel so far away!
But time travel isn’t real, so I cherish butterflies, smiles, and high fives

One day you will take me on adventures.

To see the New York skyline from Central Park’s ice rink.
A ride past the eiffel tower in a hot air ballon,
my first hide-and-seek in Ikea.
To the back room of an old bookstore,
and to white sheet forts under the dinning room table.
A silent snow capped mountain.
Fields of lavender spread across my horizon, and afternoon tea with the queen of England.
The obscure staircase at Pike’s Place.
To watch the stars dance on the Pacific Ocean,
and fall asleep while the the wood burns.
Ill make sandwiches,
and a thermos of tomato soup.
We’ll grab our travel shoes
and get lost.

The Grieving Goodbye

“Goodbye, see you later.”
When . . . hangs in our minds.
I turn my back, making you to sink into the background.
Threaded hearts, dig red marks deeper with each step.
Footfalls weigh the bottom of the ocean,
laborious gasps for breath,
amongst drops cascading down my cheeks,
banging my hand against my parked steering wheel.
I am empty of how you make me smile
I had forgotten that you were there
Yet I doubt you know your definition in my dictionary.
So I let you go.
Maybe someday you’ll read the book and understand the plot.
I know it’s not castles and kingdoms.
But I would don my battle gear and stand with you against the approaching storm
Is it that invisible?
I am here, please don’t leave.

Hold Me . . .

You have soaked up all my love,
it resides in the absorbent spirit of your inner being
I have none left
yet I wait to be held
I stand alongside you
fighting with you in every battle you choose to enter
encouraging your hopes for the future
I support you when the walls crash down around
yet I wait to be held
I have written your heart down
and studied it day in and day out
Pass the class final
Oh the pride I have in you
Rejoicing in success in your passions over and over
Yet I wait to be held
Here I am, I yell
A constant, a star, pointing you on your way
waiting to see if you will walk past
or stop and wrap me in your arms
Oh to feel your breath on my neck
your arms surround our epicenter
our souls intermingle in an aura

Things I will tell my Children

You can’t make everyone happy, or changing the thermostat each time one of your guest mentions they are to hot or to cold.
Futile, look not to people for identity
Only God can give you your true name
After you receive it, chase after it as though running a race
Your home is not on this earth
Our world’s success is good but heavenly meaningless
And stand firm, for the devil is like a lion prowling, to devour you
But remember people do well if they can
So hold hands, wipe tears, and lift up
We are the only Christ some will ever know
And soak in the beauty painted by the hand of God
Find view points, look for the bottom of the waterbodies, and watch the shape He created us
You have a paper thin glass heart it will break many times
But if you let Him, the Master Workman, will put it back together over and over
And there is magnificant power in your soul song
It will spring forth to bring you home, in the dark deserted depths
It resonates with music and worship so remember them in despair
Your time here may not seem it but is only a blink, and Home is heaven eternity with your Abba