Is it because of my feelings?

Is it because of my feelings for you, you always know what to say? Or is it because you always know what to say, I have feelings?
“I am an emotional wreck!”
You tell me, “No worries, you’re just making sure your emotions still work.”
I ask for advice, you point to Jesus.
I tell you, “I screwed up.”
You say, “Well don’t do that again.”
I tell you, “I cannot accept God’s grace.”
You say, “if you don’t accept it, you don’t get it. You had best get around to accepting his grace.”
I know you are fallible, human,
but your words, sweeten my soul.
Always encouraging, lifting me up, pushing me forward.
How could you always know what to say?
So I imagine its just infatuation.
Because thinking you are exactly what I need and cannot have is too much to accept.

Use You Up

When everything is tumbling,
you are my first thought.
When my heart is twisted up,
I want to pour it all out to you.
But I am afraid of using you up.
It only took 3 or 4 times before the others threw in their towel.
How many times do we have?
Abandoned before, I can already see you walk away.
How do I know you’ll stand by me when I am a wobbling mess?
I am certain if you knew,
You’d toss me aside.
And I sit here silently,
Swaddled in my blanket
Hoping it will ease my fears
And catch my tears.
Because I don’t want to use you up.

If You Only Knew; An Unrequited Love Story

I’ve been staring into the depth of your eyes for 5 minutes.
I am sure you haven’t noticed, you continue your story about last weekend.
I am hanging onto the little things,
the smile when you see me across the room,
how you greet me and send me off with a hug.
Such sweet compliments mingling with my thoughts.
I am stuck between my feelings and your friendship.
How was I to know it would get so hard to carry a love unreturned.
I tug along this weight, watching a breeze slightly ruffle your hair and shirt.
I hold the ache and wish for your hand in mine.
You tell me how hard it is to be alone, how hard it is to wish for someone and not have it.
You said we couldn’t!
you said we shouldn’t!
You said it was not the right timing.
And I have stayed a faithful friend.
Always caring along the longing of what could have been.
Would you have been the embrace against my tears?
Would we chase God together?
Would we make each other grow?
Would our kisses be sweet like honey? Each one somehow more?
An overwhelming care, I grip this love unrequited.
When did you become so dear to me?
When did you burrow into the depths of my heart?
Why do my prayers begin and end with your name?
So you tell me of your weekend, and your plans.
And I listen, and I share.
My eyes screaming, will you ever see?